The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .

But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Many gay males want to discover from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

However, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, click here now though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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